i can't take my eyes off of you... [08 Dec 2009|08:41pm] vanillablue [ mood | distressed ] [ music | damien rice -volcano ] falling for someone when it's least convenient sucks! Also not knowing if the other person is falling back or just EXTREMELY nice. It's like crazy stressful! also being married when you don't want to...and being a young mother...and going back to school...and slipping away from your best friend...seriously, why have i not exploded? I keep a pretty cool head for all the pressure I'm under, if i do say so myself. which I'm not sure if i should be proud of or not. please explain to me why my best friend has all of a sudden decided to completely not give a SHIT about me? it's like I'm just here to give her compliments and make her feel better about herself. meanwhile I'm in the fight for my life and when i try to talk to her about it and maybe get some input i just get "oh, that sucks...so I'm doing this this and this today so i have to go..." seriously? alright. I can't even blow up on her...I know exactly what she'll say "Oh my Gosh, Liz...you know I LOVE YOU!" blah blah fuckity blah. If you loved me so much THEN HOW COME WHEN I CALL SOUNDING COMPLETELY DISTRESSED YOU SAY YOU'LL HAVE TO CALL ME LATER AND THEN TEXT ME SAYING "I'm watching a really interesting show, don't hate me." Wow! what an excellent friend...and it's obvious she knows she's being a cunt because she adds in the "don't hate me" which indicates that I SHOULD HATE HER! but i don't so there's that. I felt myself moving forward these past months and all of a sudden I'm at a halt and am probably moving backwards more than anything. I just need to talk to Josh...get on with that whole thing...and then just focus on school and my child. Who by the way has been completely on the back burner, which is HORRIBLE of me. I've been so wound up in me me me that my own child is being neglected...nothing serious, I just haven't been putting his needs in front of mine. Tonight I was playing with him and was just thinking...when was the last time I actually sat down and played with you? Like, without my phone in my hands...or my laptop in front of me. just me and him one on one playing...and i couldn't remember. I felt and still feel awful. I want that to change! I need that outlet in my life so I can relieve this stress and be my fun-loving self again. phew...i feel a little better. still a lot on my mind but at least now i can read it back to myself. Today was my parents' 25th wedding anniversary. I love them. I feel like shit for not remembering but then again after writing all this I can see how I forgot... of a rare stimulation

navigation [ viewing | most recent entries ]